


Alien Girlfriend

by NoBrandHero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014, Kissing, Meteorstuck, Neck Kissing, Sloppy Makeouts, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2006118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoBrandHero/pseuds/NoBrandHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave doesn't know what it's like to date a human, but even if he did, he's pretty sure it wouldn't prepare him for some of the surprises that come with macking on a troll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alien Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> HSWC Bonus Round 5: Quotes
> 
> "["She has two arms to hold me And four legs to wrap around me She's not your typical girlfriend My alien." \- Simple Plan, My Alien](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/22187.html?thread=6483627#cmt6483627)"

You sort of weren't sure what to actually expect from the trolls. You liked to hope all signs pointed towards "trolls aren't that physically different from humans," but for all you knew you spent the last two weeks in Sburb flirting with a flying squid. (Did your time looping reach weeks? Can you make that claim? You're definitely older than even Jade by now, you know that much.)

You play it cool when you finally meet Terezi -- well, of course you do, that's fucking obvious seeing as you're always cool as shit. You don't show even the slightest indication that you're relieved to confirm she's mostly just a palette-swapped human. Why would you be relieved? You weren't nervous. Even if you were nervous before (which you weren't), there's clearly no reason to be now. Adjusting to trolls is going to be a breeze.

Except it turns out lowering your guard is a bad idea. It's just that much more disconcerting when her hand slips over yours the first time you're alone together: Her skin isn't soft like you're used to. It doesn't even feel like Bro's calloused hands. It's cooler than human temperature and rough like sand.

Before you can decide how to react, she bursts into a cackle, showing off those sharpass chompers of hers. "You're so squishy, coolkid!" She sandwiches your hand in both of hers, poking it and pressing against it, especially the fleshier areas.

"Says the girl with skin like a lizard's," you say flatly. "You never told me trolls are like giant humanoid lizards. I know you like dragons, T-z, but you could've warned me that you evolved from one. Do you breathe fire too? Should I be wary of a tail? Ah, hell, do I need to jump around to avoid getting smacked by a tail whenever you turn around, changing our every date into a series of wacky slapstick shenanigans?"

"Of course not. We evolved from bugs, not reptiles!" she chirps. She lifts your hand and gives it a little lick. Her tongue is surprisingly soft compared to her skin, but it still scrapes more than a human tongue, you're pretty sure.

You wrinkle your nose at the saliva now sitting on your fingers. "Thanks, T-z. That really completes my nails. Troll spit is exactly the kind of polish they were looking for. Now if you could just add a coat of pink to clash horribly with my cape, it'll be perfect."

"Humans can change the color of their fingernails?" she asks, eyebrows raised above her glasses in wonder.

Giving her a truthful explanation turns out to be a bad idea. She spends the next week badgering you to alchemize red nail polish -- an idea you wouldn't mind if the intended recipient was _her_ instead of you, but hell to the no are you painting your nails, no matter how delicious she thinks they'd be in red.

Her rough skin is weird but easy enough to get used to. Her hair throws you off much longer. It's coarse and stiff. At first you shy away from touching it for fear she hasn't bathed in a week, until she initiates makeouts minutes after exiting the shower. Her hair is still wet even, but that doesn't make it any softer.

The makeouts aren't going so well in general. You both have your startling first moment of "Whoa, your lips are way tougher/softer than I was expecting" and move on to mashing mouths with wild abandon anyway, but you just can't seem to pass the threshold into frenching.

It's her fuckin' shark teeth. They look utterly badass, you can't deny it, but that was before you considered that you might want to stick your tongue past them. She's spelunking into your mouth in no time and you gladly welcome her expedition even if her sandpaper tongue kinda smarts if she rubs it against the roof of your mouth. You just hope she doesn't notice your reluctance to return the favor.

You try moving to her neck instead to make up for it and maybe mask what a wimp you're being. See? You're all about taking makeouts with your alien girlfriend to the next level and it's not suspicious at all that you haven't initiated any tongue yet.

Except, after a few minutes of going to town and sucking on her throat, you're not so sure humans are _capable_ of passing hickies onto a troll. Not like you've ever had other necking sessions to compare it to, but you're pretty sure the amount of pressure you're using should have resulted in at least a _little_ bruising by now, if your partner was human.

If she minds your miserable failure at hickey-giving, she keeps her annoyance secret and doesn't even poke fun at you as she has every right to. She does, however, seem to think you should get a little something in return for your attempts, pathetic though they may be.

She grabs the front of your shirt and lifts you off your feet, pinning you against the wall. At this point you shouldn't be shocked that not even size difference hinders her -- you're definitely heavier, what with all the muscles you developed from Bro's non-stop strifing, and a good half a foot taller than her, yet she doesn't show any sign of strain under your weight.

She leans in and latches onto your throat, working steadily on one spot and upping the pressure bit by bit. She takes a break only long enough to take a few licks, then she's sucking neck again with even more ferocity.

You're embarrassingly close to letting out a moan, but before she can push you over that edge, she bites down. You yelp instead as her fangs sink into your skin far enough to draw blood -- yep, this is why you've kept your tongue safe in your own mouth. She withdraws quickly, looking more than a little startled as she sniffs the new red in the air.

You feel blood slip down to your shoulder but you make no move to stifle it. You're too busy trying to think of an ironic excuse for why you just let out an embarrassing, high-pitched yell.

She furrows her brow and lets you slip back to your feet. "Are you bleeding?"

"No. Maybe. Doesn't matter."

She snorts and presses her hand against the bitemarks, helping to clot the bleeding. "Sorry, coolkid. You really are as fragile as you feel."

Your face heats up in humiliation. "Or maybe your teeth are just really sharp, you ever think of that?"

"Well, yeah." She leans in close, taking a long sniff at the liquid slipping between her fingers still. "It smells good at least."

"You're not going to lick it, are you?" you say, resisting the urge to pull back.

"No, that's Kanaya's domain. The taste of blood overpowers the red's delectable flavor." She sticks her tongue out in disgust. "Blech."

You roll your eyes. "So have we learned a valuable lesson about biting during makeouts today?"

She nods with a serious frown. "Yes. No chomping down on my delicate coolkid matesprit."

God, you wish you could argue with that fucking wording, but fighting it will probably only bring more attention to the fact you _are_ a fragile little asshole in comparison to a troll. You wonder if you have _any_ advantages here as a human.

You grow more and more accustomed to the oddities that crop up in your makeout sessions. It still takes two months before you have the courage to slide your fingers over her horns though. You've accidentally touched them more than a few times whilst playing with her hair but she never so much as winced, let alone chided you, so the next time you bump into them, you let your hands linger.

You assumed they'd feel like antlers, but instead they almost remind you of foam. You'd think you should be able to squish them, but despite their texture they stay steady and hold their shape even under pressure.

She lets out an inhuman trill -- the closest sound you can compare it to is a cricket, or maybe a cicada -- and bumps her horns against your palms as if demanding you don't stop. You're not really sure what you're doing but you kinda hope this is closer to scritching a cat behind the ears than massaging an erogenous zone; if you're getting her off you'd like to fuckin' know it (and maybe let her know it's rude to make you do all the work around here).

Considering how her eyes slip closed and she relaxes against your shoulder, you're pretty sure it's safe to assume you are not actually groping something R-rated. Her hands fumble up your back and over your head, feeling for something on your scalp. It takes you a moment to realize she's looking for _your_ horns, to return the favor or something.

She gives your scalp a half-hearted rub before dropping her hands. "Humans are so weird," she mutters. She shakes her head to dislodge your grip and presses you against the floor with one hand, leaning down to meet your mouth with hers.

You wonder if you'll ever get used to how much stronger she is despite her tiny frame. You wonder when you stopped caring and instead started to relish the moments when your alien girlfriend uses her troll strength to gain the upperhand in your sloppy makeouts.

You deepen the kiss and she doesn't bite you even once.


End file.
